The Spokes puppet is embroiled at the center of a media scandal. But is it a "conflict of interest" as the headlines read, or just another case of the overactive, paranoid mind of the media at work? And where does Kylie, as a affiliate as well as the self-proclaimed long lost sibling to Mr. Spokes puppet, stand on this issue?

Recently newspapers throughout the country reported a story of impropriety accusing the ABC network of using the popularity of our friend, the spokes puppet, to promote its own interests. Following an in-depth interview with the spokes puppet on ABC's "Good Morning America," where he became quite cozy with host Diane Sawyer, newspapers revealed that the Walt Disney Company, ABC's parent company, owns a stake of roughly 5% of the amazingly successful . The article goes on to imply some sort of sinister, subliminal, ulterior motive on the part of ABC for having featured the spokes puppet in this manner on the popular morning show as well as on another major ABC news program, "Nightline," where he was part of a panel invited to discuss the announced retirement of cartoonist Charles Schultz.

In an interview to address her position on this defamation, Kylie said, "As both a fan of the spokes puppet and an affiliate of , I would just like to say, Oh Puhleeeazze!" She went on to point out that "at no time during these appearances did Mr. Spokes puppet promote himself or the high-quality products available from , where you can find everything your pet needs and wants at tremendously discounted prices from your neighborhood pet store, as I am doing now. Besides in the ever-evolving world of communications and e-business everybody owns a piece of everybody else and five years from now there will only be three companies in the entire world and Bill Gates* will be running them all. Should ABC ignore the fact that its millions of viewers demand to know more about this intriguing personality who has charmed and entertained us all with his velvety voice and his comic appeal, simply because the sock puppet will now be invited to the same company picnic as Regis Philbin and Mickey Mouse? And speaking of Mr. Philbin, Pets.com was also the final answer to "What company has a sock puppet on its commercials?" on ABC's wildly profitable "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire." Oh no! That's a conflict of interest! The purity and integrity of network television has been compromised! What shall we do?

At this point Kylie had to end the interview as she was getting just a little too upset. But let us just say that her point was well received. Without advertising, and sponsorship, the wonderful world of television would not exist as we know it and neither would the Internet, or your favorite fast food chain, or your favorite recording artist, or even for that matter the media. So before it goes and, if you'll pardon the expression, bites the hand that feeds it, perhaps the team of "professional journalists" who brought us this groundbreaking story should consider where their own bread and butter is coming from - the shameless self-promotion on which capitalism was founded.

Furthermore, and for the record, Kyliedog.com and Kylie herself as a conscientious consumer will continue her support of and affiliation with . Again, that's pets.com, where you can buy everything for your dog, cat, fish, hamster, ferret, bird and/or iguana at the lowest prices without ever having to leave them home alone! Shop today and tell 'em Kylie sent ya! Power To The Puppet!

[For more information on Kylie's relationship with the spokes puppet, see the featured story "Separated at Birth".]
*Kylie and Kyliedog.com are in no way affiliated with Bill Gates or Microsoft Inc.